Tuesday, November 24, 2009

If Miracle Whip Is Rebellious to You, You May Be a Douche Bag

article from "Garfield's Adreview" in "Advertising Age" trade newspaper and on adage.com


If Miracle Whip Is Rebellious to You, You May Be a Douche Bag

Ad Holds Up Sandwich Spread as the Che Guevara of Condiments

Due to the baseball playoffs, we've accidentally seen a lot of TV commercials and we offer these thoughts:

1. The lady in the Symbicort asthma-inhaler commercial has a nice set of lungs. Literally. The rest of her is in silhouette, but her lungs light up, E.T.-ishly (perhaps to distract you from the "asthma-related death" disclaimer). Still, we can't look away. Yikes.

Title: We Will Not Tone It Down
Marketer: Miracle Whip
Agency: McGarryBowen
A badge of defiance? Hardly.
2. The Viagra guy having a conversation with his storefront reflection, who looks torn from the pages of a Kohl's circular, is far stiffer than the character he plays. And the dialogue is insipid, in the typical filming-the-research fashion. But the reflection effect is seamless.

3. The "All you need is love" spots are irresistible. The female breakdancer is fabulous. And the fashion designer does more good acting in six wordless onscreen seconds than Al Pacino has since the Clinton administration. But, in terms of fulfilling your creative dreams, BlackBerry is relevant ... how? Sort of preposterous -- albeit, on the weekend preposterometer tally, by no means the champ. For we have witnessed ...

4. ... something that had inexplicably eluded us for months. It's an anthem. A manifesto. A generational declaration of defiance. Some excerpts:

"We will not be quiet!"

"We will not try to blend in, disappear in the background, play second fiddle!"

"We're not like the others, we won't ever try to be!"

"And we will not tone it down."

Whoa! Attitude! You've seen this sort of thing before, from such varied advertisers as Nintendo, Nike, the U.S. Army, Camel filters, Stroh's beer and Dr Pepper, all trying to flatter their prospects into imagining themselves as a breed apart, heroic iconoclasts who find the ultimate expression of their singular boldness in, you know, a mass-produced product.

Manufactured goods also like to lay claim to our highest earthly aspirations. This we've learned from such great spirit guides as Lincoln-Mercury, Levis, Johnnie Walker, Gatorade and Brother, the Dalai Lama of color printers. Of course, if you think a printer or a jug of sugar water or a smartphone or even a bloated luxury car is inspiring, then you are what we in journalism call "a douche bag."

Yet, as the Marlboro cowboy has demonstrated for about 50 years, this approach can be phenomenally successful. You'd think there'd be a backlash for marketers who think you're such a douche bag that you can fall for this malarkey, but au contraire. Like we said: Marlboro, Nike, the old Beetle ... it works, and from this we can conclude only one thing:

There are a lot of total douche bags out there, douche bags so douche-baggy they don't even realize they are treated like douche bags by the very brands they think are cool.

But now we as American face the ultimate insult to our self respect, via the "We will not be quiet" anthem sampled above. Because the advertiser is ...

... Miracle Whip.

That is correct, the salad dressing/sandwich spread/middle finger to the Man.

Or at least to the mayonnaise.

The commercial is filled with attractive but slightly grungy young people of no mind to accept mere mayo, because obviously mayo is ordinary. Mayo is establishment. Mayo is surrender. Whereas Miracle Whip is Che Guevara in a jar.

Was this conceived during 'shroom day at McGarryBowen?

See, in non-psychedelic reality, Miracle Whip is not a badge of defiance but rather the quintessence of middle-American déclassé, the turquoise pants suit of condiments. To assert the opposite is just a slap at our collective intellects, our collective honor, our collective non-douche-baggery.

If this succeeds, ladies and gentlemen, we do indeed surrender. If Miracle Whip is cool, the terrorists win.




Friday, November 20, 2009

Creative Talent Network Animation Expo

The CTN Animation Expo is this weekend, Nov. 20 - 22, 2009
Brubank, CA
Mariott Convention Center


Gary Taxali

Gary Taxali is an award-winning illustrator whose work has appeared in every major magazine and newspaper.

visit his site:


Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Matt Collins

Check out the illustrator's site:



Boy in Transformer costume at comic convention.


Monday, November 9, 2009

Christina Ung

See the artist's site:



How many different ways can you represent the letter "M" or the number "6"?

explore the site:


Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Jim Steck

visit the artist's portfolio site:


Halloween Tips

Just in case you have forgotten the "rules" for a safe and Happy Halloween:

1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.

2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.

4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language that they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.

5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go it alone.

6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.

8. If you're searching for something that caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!

9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out!

10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

11. If you find a town that looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.

12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.

13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.

15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had half of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.

17. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.

The Economy is Soooo Bad...

* CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

* Hotwheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

* McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

* Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their
children's names.

* A truckload of Americans got caught sneaking into Mexico.

* The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.

* Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

* People in Africa are donating money to Americans.

* Mothers in Ethiopia are telling their kids, "Finish your plate, do
you know how many kids are starving in the US?"

* Motel Six won't leave the light on.

Prevent Swine Flu - Good Advice

The only portals of entry are the nostrils and mouth/throat. In a global epidemic of this nature, it's almost impossible to avoid coming into contact with H1N1 in spite of all precautions. Contact with H1N1 is not so much of a problem as proliferation is.

While you are still healthy and not showing any symptoms of H1N1 infection, in order to prevent proliferation, aggravation of symptoms and development of secondary infections, some very simple steps, not fully highlighted in most official communications, can be practiced (instead of focusing on how to stock N95 or Tamiflu):

1. Frequent hand-washing (well highlighted in all official communications).

2. "Hands-off-the-face" approach. Resist all temptations to touch any part of face (unless you want to eat, bathe or slap).

3. Gargle twice a day with warm salt water (use Listerine if you don't trust salt). H1N1 takes 2-3 days after initial infection in the throat/ nasal cavity to proliferate and show characteristic symptoms. Simple gargling prevents proliferation. In a way, gargling with salt water has the same effect on a healthy individual that Tamiflu has on an infected one. Don't underestimate this simple, inexpensive and powerful preventative method.

4. Similar to 3 above, clean your nostrils at least once every day with warm salt water. Not everybody may be good at Jala Neti or Sutra Neti (very good Yoga asanas to clean nasal cavities), but blowing the nose hard once a day and swabbing both nostrils with cotton buds dipped in warm salt water is very effective in bringing down viral population.

5. Boost your natural immunity with foods that are rich in Vitamin C (Amla and other citrus fruits). If you have to supplement with Vitamin C tablets, make sure that it also has Zinc to boost absorption.

6. Drink as much of warm liquids (tea, coffee, etc) as you can. Drinking warm liquids has the same effect as gargling, but in the reverse direction. They wash off proliferating viruses from the throat into the stomach where they cannot survive, proliferate or do any harm.