Captain EO

1986 short film starring Michael Jackson which played in 3-D in Tomorrowland, Disneyland, CA.

http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=104161491313&h=CbfD-&u=FEIpJ&ref=nf

http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=104161491313&h=CbfD-&u=FEIpJ&ref=nf

Jurassic Dubb

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prgm4eKq6d4&feature=channel_page

Smoker's Lounge

This is a ceiling mural in a smoker’s lounge.

Awsome Toilet

THE LADY IS GETTING READY TO ENTER!!


This is a picture of a public toilet in Houston

Now that you've seen the outside view, take a look at the inside view...


It's made entirely of one-way glass!

No one can see you from the outside, but when you are inside it's like sitting in a clear glass box!

Now would you...
COULD YOU..???

Top Morons of 2008

1.  WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?

AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership.  He received a $26 million severance package.  Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

 

 

2.  WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS.

Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home.  After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."

 

 

3.  WHAT WAS PLAN B???

An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

 

 

4.  THE GETAWAY!

A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer.  Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

 

 

5.  DID I SAY THAT???

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup.  When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "that's not what I said!"

 

 

6.  ARE WE COMMUNICATING???

A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart."  "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.  "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

 

 

7.  NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!

In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon.  King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun.  Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.  (hellooooooo)!

 

 

8.  THE GRAND FINALE!!!

Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem.  No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going.  It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver,  no matter how much power they applied.  After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong.  A thorough topside check revealed  everything in perfect working condition.  The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch.  So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath.  He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.  NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.  Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

No Nativity Scene in DC This Year

There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington , DC this year!!!!!

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in Washington , DC this Christmas season.  This isn't for any religious reason. They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

 

Another Blonde Joke

A guy orders a beer. The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar.

 

It hits the blond woman's boobs and splashes all over them.  The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off her boobs.

 

Each time the guy calls for another beer this happens. So after his third beer, he decides to help the bartender out.  The next time the bartender hit her boobs, the man jumps up and starts to lick her breasts and she decks him!

 

He is laying on the floor moaning, “Jeez lady... Why do you let the bartender do it?”

 

“Duh,” says the blond, “He has a licker license!”

Price of Gas in France

A thief in Paris planned to steal some Paintings from the Louvre.

After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. However,he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, 'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.'


I had no Monet


To buy Degas


To make the Van Gogh.

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See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else.


I sent it to you because I figured I had nothingToulouse .

Bills Retro World

Check Out Retro Life

http://www.billsretroworld.com/index.htm

Headlines from the Year 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.
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White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
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Spotted Owl plague threatens north-western United States crops and livestock.
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Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.
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Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
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Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
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France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica . No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!
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Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
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George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
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Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
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85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
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Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
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Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.
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Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
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Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States .
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Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.
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Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
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Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
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Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
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New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.
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IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
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Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.

Total Eclipse of the Heart: Literal Video Version

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj-x9ygQEGA

Bobbitt Family Update

In a recent news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago.

Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena.

She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage.

The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition, and Louella has been charged with ....










A Misdewiener!

Older Than Dirt Quiz:

Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about.
Ratings at the bottom.

1 Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (OLive-6933)
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S& H greenstamps
16 Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulb
20. Packards
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers


If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt!


Don't forget to pass this along!!
Especially to all your really OLD friends..

MEMORIES from a Friend:

My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.

How many do you remember?

Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.

Ignition switches on the dashboard.

Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.

Real ice boxes.

Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.

Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.

Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.

Older Than Dirt

Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?'

'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him. 'All the food was slow.'

'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'

'It was a place called 'at home,'' I explained. 'Grandma cooked every day and when Grandpa got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'

By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it:

Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears AND Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.

My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow). We didn't have a television in our house until I was 11, but my grandparents had one before that. It was, of course, black and white, but they bought a piece of colored plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom third was green, like grass. The middle third was red. It was perfect for programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a sunny day. Some people had a lens taped to the front of the TV to make the picture look larger.

I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called 'pizza pie.' When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.

We didn't have a car until I was 15. Before that, the only car in our family was my grandfather's Ford. He called it a 'machine.'

I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.

Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was.

All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers I delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which I got to keep 2 cents. I had to get up at 4 AM every morning. On Saturday, I had to collect the 42 cents from my customers. My favorite customers were the ones who gave me 50 cents and told me to keep the change. My least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.

Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French kissing and they didn't do that in movies. I don't know what they did in French movies. French movies were dirty and we weren't allowed to see them.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing. Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?

Hillbilly Mirror

After living in Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city.

In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, 'How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy.'

He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his daddy, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn't like his father, so he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.

His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn so one day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror.

As she looked into the glass, she fumed, 'So that's the ugly Bitch he's running around with.'

Thought for the Day

I'm just passing this thought along .....

Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills in your wallet or purse were ever in a stripper’s jock or butt crack with the G string?

If not, you're wondering now.

Have a nice day . :)

Italian Fire Fighters

One dark night in the small town of Garfield , NJ, a fire started inside the local sausage factory. In a blink the building was engulfed in flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company resident rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret sausage recipes are in the vault in the center of the plant. They have to be saved, so I will donate $50,000 to the fire company that brings them out and delivers them to me."

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in because the situation became desperate.

As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer to extricate the secret recipes was now $100,000 to the fire department that could save them.

Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the fire engine of the nearby Lodi, NJ volunteer fire department composed mainly of Italian firefighters over the age of 65.

To everyone 's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Italian firefighters, passed the fire engines parked outside the plant and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the Italian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire as if they were fighting to save their own lives. Within a short time, the Lodi old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret recipes.

The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman accomplishment he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave elderly Italian firefighters.

A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film. The 'on camera' reporter asked the Italian fire chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"

"Wella," said Chief Pasquale De Luccinellavanti, the 70-year-old fire chief, "de fursta tinga we gonnna do isza fixa de brakes on dat fockinna truck!

Some E Cards, When You care Enough to Hit "Send"

http://www.someecards.com/