That's Good Spam

Monday, February 1, 2010

Signs

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
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In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
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On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
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On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
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On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
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On a Church's Bill board:
"7 days without God makes one weak."
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At a Tire Store
"Invite us to your next blowout."
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On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
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In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
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On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
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At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
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On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
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On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
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At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
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Outside a Car Exhaust Store:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
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In a Vet’s waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
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In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."
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In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
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And don't forget the sign at a RADIATOR SHOP:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
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Sign on the back of yet another Septic Tank Truck:
"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"

Brief Laugh U Can Use

true story

A Georgia Congressman, Neal Horsely, was seated next to a little girl on the airplane leaving from Atlanta when he turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the southern congressman. "How about global warming or universal health care" and he smiles smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff, grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

The southern legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don't know shit?"

Very Good Information

Do NOT use cruise control while driving in the rain.

DO wear a pair of sunglasses.

GOOD VISION IN A DOWNPOUR

How to achieve good vision while driving during a heavy downpour.

We are not sure why it is so effective; just try this method when it rains heavily.

This method was told by a policeman friend who had experienced it and confirmed it.

It is useful, even driving at night. Most of the motorists would turn on high or fastest speed of the wipers during heavy downpour, yet the visibility in front of the windshield is still bad.

In the event you face such a situation, just try your SUNGLASSES (any model will do), and miracle! All of a sudden, your visibility in front of your windshield is perfectly clear, as if there is no rain.

Make sure you always have a pair of SUNGLASSES in your car, as you are not only helping yourself to drive safely with good vision, but also might save your friend's life by giving him this information.

Try it yourself and share it with your friends!??? Amazing, you still see the drops on the windshield, but not the sheet of rain falling.

You can see where the rain bounces off the road. It works to eliminate the "blindness" from passing semi's spraying you too. This warning is a good one!

NEVER DRIVE IN THE RAIN WITH YOUR CRUISE CONTROL ON

A 36 year old female had an accident several weeks ago and totaled her car.

A resident of Kilgore, Texas she was traveling between Gladewater & Kilgore. It was raining, though not excessively, when her car suddenly began to hydroplane and literally flew through the air. She was not seriously injured but very stunned at the sudden occurrence!

When she explained to the highway patrolman what had happened he told her something that every driver should know - NEVER DRIVE IN THE RAIN WITH YOUR CRUISE CONTROL ON. She thought she was being cautious by setting the cruise control and maintaining a safe consistent speed in the rain.

But the highway patrolman told her that if the cruise control is on when your car begins to hydroplane and your tires lose contact with the pavement, your car will accelerate to a higher rate of speed making you take off like an airplane. She told the patrolman that was exactly what had occurred.

The patrolman said this warning should be listed, on the driver's seat sun visor - NEVER USE THE CRUISE CONTROL WHEN THE PAVEMENT IS WET OR ICY, along with the airbag warning. We tell our teenagers to set the cruise control and drive a safe speed but we don't tell them to use the cruise control only when the pavement is dry.

The only person the accident victim found, who knew this (besides the patrolman), was a man who had a similar accident, totaled his car and sustained severe injuries.

NOTE: Some vehicles (like the Toyota Sienna Limited XLE) will not allow you to set the cruise control when the windshield wipers are on.