Blond in the everglades

A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, 'Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!'

The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, 'Well little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?'

The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a hug e 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the Blonde takes aim, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its back.

Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration, 'CRAP! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!'

You want change? Try these ideas

by Norma White

[web posted October 21, 2008]
[Amarillo Globe News]

Each presidential candidate is giving his rendition of the changes he wants for America.
Here are a few that I believe all Americans want.

Limit Congress from serving more than two terms. That is all that presidents are allowed.

Stop Congress from voting for their own raises. How did that ever get started?

Stop paying for lawmakers' high-priced insurance premiums. After all, they are only part-time employees. They might pass some law changes on the insurance companies, if they had to find one.

Stop paying lawmakers their full salary after serving just one term, or at retirement. We need to get rid of that pension plan; they've let other companies get rid of theirs. You were lucky to get 40 to 50 percent of your salary after working somewhere for 35 years, but they get 100 percent.

Make Congress pay into the Social Security system. They make laws for it. If they spent some of their own money, they might be interested in making it solvent.

Stop handing out aid to illegal aliens. If we did, then Medicaid and the food stamp program would have enough money to aid the aged and the poor.

Secure our borders.

Stop allowing babies born to illegal aliens in the United States automatic U.S. citizenship.

Stop the abuse of our benevolent welfare system. We feed children free meals three times a day until they are 17. Churches give away good, clean clothes. Companies buy and donate school supplies. Emergency rooms provide health care at taxpayer expense and the food stamp program is buying food at home. What are parents doing for their children?

Have a computer program that cross checks Social Security numbers with fingerprints to stop fraud on many fronts. Use it on voter registration, too.

Stop bailing out mortgage companies and banks that give loans to people who cannot afford them.

Stop companies from paying CEOs and other executives outrageous salaries and bonuses while doing away with workers' pensions.

Stop all unnecessary spending so we will have the money for our nation's security, and to help needy and elderly Americans.

Stop permitting anyone to have a photo with their face covered on driver's licenses.
Whoever wins the presidency will not be able to make these changes.
Only members of Congress can do this, as they are the lawmakers.
I don't believe Congress is interested in changing anything, do you?
Norma White of Amarillo is a retired network engineer for Southwestern Bell

http://www.amarillo.com/stories/102108/opi_opin3.shtml
http://www.amarillo.com/

Sarah Coleman

Check out the illustrator's web site:

http://www.inkymole.com/
http://www.inkymole.com/blog/

Seth Godin: Quieting the Lizard Brain

"The resistance leads people to make suggestions that slow you down, suggestions that water down your idea, suggestions that lead to compromises." - Seth Godin

SETH GODIN, a bestselling author, entrepreneur, and agent of change, targets our "lizard brain" as the source of these primal doubts, and implores us to "thrash at the beginning" of projects so that we can ship on time and on budget.

Watch his 18 min. presentation about quieting the lizard brain by clicking the link below.

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Also read a related article:

Seth Godin: The Truth About Shipping

Articles found on the website The 99%.

Happy Thanksgiving

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have never a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

To Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time - Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice!

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana.

6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get..

7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

9. Sing Along At The Opera.

10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'

12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

The Economy is so Bad...

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline and asked were they hiring...